we were told that a gratefulness journal would be good for us, brings prosperity of heart, mind, soul.  being who i am, it’s difficult to write blithely that i’m grateful that the sun is shining today, for example.  just seems so sagittarian–you know how those people go around declaring how awesome everything is as they see it through their rose colored glasses ignoring some of the heavier truths that are sitting right beside the glowing sun.  but i am grateful for these things all the same.  so it happens that today the sun is not shining really.  it’s cloudy today but i like cloudy days, so i’m thankful for that too.

last nite snow had been gingerly predicted.  i love snow.  i grew up in savannah where snow just never happened and so seeing snow became for me early in life a huge childlike desire that needed fulfilling.  fortunately i’ve lived several places where snow happened in a gentle way to be enjoyed and not endured as it would have been if i had lived in minnesota for example.  i woke up before dawn and looked out the patio door to see if there was snow but the ground was just wet.  i was a little disappointed.  i silently wished that i could see snow at least once this season.  i went about my morning breakfast, feed cat, feed dog, take meds, muck about for a bit and then i peeked through the blinds to see the day which was now busy revealing itself as the sun rose behind the heavy cloud cover.  what????!!!  snow?????  where did that come from?  i was happy and openly thanked the universe for providing what i’d asked for earlier.  it even made me cry.  it made me feel special.  the universe had arranged to fulfill my desire this morning.  being who i am though, i felt a bit disappointed that the snowing part was done.  i silently said again, wish i could see snow falling at least once before winter’s gone.  in no time at all, i looked out again and yes, universe had heard and provided.  snowflakes gently meandered through the gray sky finding their resting place on the not-quite-cold-enough-to-accumulate-for-any-length-of-time-ground but the temporary display was quite fulfilling so i cried some more.

as i’m writing this, i look out the window and the snow has mostly melted, clinging only now to roofs and tops of split rail fences, wooden bridges, gazebos and tree limbs.  i guess i could feel sad it didn’t stay long enough to be enjoyed for the entire day at least but the truth is, i got exactly what i requested, i’m gratified, satisfied, and very reinforced in the notion that the universe always provides.  it will continue to give and as long as i’m open to receive it will continue to satisfy me.  i can’t dictate how it provides nor should i put my expectations on how it provides.  as soon as i do, the magic of giving and receiving is stifled by the limitations and restrictions i create.  my job is to not expect anything but to trust that it will provide and be gratified and grateful, satisfied.


all content ©matters of the heart 2016



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